The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
