He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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