Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
