I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
