ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
