have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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