wrigley field is MILF paradise
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
