Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
