Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this just has baby written all over it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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