I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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