have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
