the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
