I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
