ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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