She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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