so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
