I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
