i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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