We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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