So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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