i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
