Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
