First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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