Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
