I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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