i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
false alarm, still single
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
