For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
