its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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