..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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