God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
