from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
