I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
