We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize