I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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