I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
