When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
