so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
