Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
wanna go halves on a baby?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
