"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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