We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
