I'm really into asian looking animals
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
