$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
