so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
