Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
