That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
