Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
