Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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