Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
