ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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