Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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