Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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