His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
