I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
