yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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