she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize