hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
