Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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