Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
