guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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