well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
