Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
