Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
