when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
