But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My friends, they love my intelligence
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
