if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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